Today is a new day!
All is quiet on the western front so far.
Son ended up staying home, only because he did not want to bunk with a roomie with only 1 bed, no couch and no internet.
Things have calmed down considerably.
How odd is this, the Pastor from my mothers church called me, right in the middle of all that warring yesterday. I like totally broke down on the phone with him.. and get this.. I am not religeous in any way shape or form. Go figure huh!
Have you even felt the need to run away? I mean just pack a bag and run to a far hotel so your family could not find you for a couple days?
I wonder, would they even notice me gone??? lol
Just to give you all a back ground on the blowout yesterday,
My son, we will call him putz for now.. lol, went to college.
First is was " I want to be a cop, I have to be a cop" So we sent to police Youth Academy for 3 weeks, thought maybe that would give him a good taste of how it would be for him in Police Academy.
He came out of there still wanting to be a cop. that was fine. He graduates High School and we enroll in University to take Criminology and Criminal Justice.
That was not too bad,.. he went for 6 months and it only cost about $2500. which he paid for from this graduation money. This is leaving him about 1500 left over.
After all that, he decides, Ummm I do not want to be a cop anymore, I want to be an electrician.
What a jump in career choices right!
So we find him an IT College that specializes in that. The course is now going to cost a whopping 12,500. So of course he does not have enough money. So mom and the "evil" stepdad step in a bit and try to help out.
He ended up getting an 8000 student loan. Goes to school for the duration, writes his ITA exam and fails. Which basically means that until he actually passes that ITA exam, he does not get his first year ticket.
Of course we telll him it is ok and he can try again, they have the tests around the 19th of each month.
Now get this...
He says, "Um, I don't think I want to be an electrican anymore, I don't think I am going to rewrite that test"
DEAD MEAT is all I could think.. Wasting everyones time. And to top it off, he tried to blame US for pushing him into things he does not really want to do.
Ok.. let me break it down on who caused what with school.
Putz had a girlfriend, her dad was a cop. says to Putz "Hey, why not become a cop?". His girlfriend agrees and viola he is wanting to be a cop. So of course we support him,
Putz has friends, one of them says "Hey Putz, Electricians make really good money, that is what I am doing, you should do it too". Viola, 8 months later, 8000 in debt, dead in the water.
Then after ALLLLLLL this.. he wants to be a DJ and we indulge in this idea, buy him DJ mixer and spinners and crap.
So we hear BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM through the floor all day long. And he is just sitting around making us NUTS.
Hence, the explosion yesterday..
Come on now, I ask you, were we wrong?
Did he encourage him in the wrong ways?
Do we over indulge in his wants and needs?
Ok maybe a little on all counts..
But that is what Parents do right? I am right arn't I? Have I been living under a misapprehensions of what our roles are to be? Should we be beating him instead of giving to him?
I don't know, you love your kids and want the best for them, but when do you say enough is enough?
Does anyone out there really know?? If you do, please tell me.. I would LOVE to know the answer to that!
Later gators!
1 comment:
I've successfully parented two kids to 20 years old and older now.
They both went through this know it all phase and laid back "the world owes me something" attitude.
The worst thing you can do, is show them that they are getting to you. They will purposely act this way, because it makes them feel like they are in control, and not you.
What you need to do, is show them that there are boundaries, and you have to be creative in the way you discipline (and also reward) your child.
To often we can get caught in a loop of saying "don't do this, and don't do that" and then the punishment is always the same. We either yell, get frustrated, or send them to their room.
As the teen gets older they eventually begin to laugh it off, and feel that they can outwit and outlast you (sounds like the Survivor TV show)
What does work, is to maintain your cool, pretend what they are doing doesn't bother you and that you can handle it. The best part comes when you take action.
For discipline, always change what the consequences will be, this keeps them wondering and fearing, and they will be less apt to "test you"
For instance, this week, it can be a grounding, next week, can be loss of a privilege, the following week, it could be the door removed from their room for a day, or the phone disconnected, or internet.. They will never know what you are going to do next. As a result, they will eventually stop testing, because they really don't want to see what your next creative move will be.
Secondly, if you draw their attention away from misbehavior and pay special attention to good things they are doing, they will find that it is a lot more fun for them to try and get on your good side and do good things in order to find out what the reward will be..
It could be anything, without major expense involved.
It could be a breakfast in bed, a dinner night out of their choice, a rented video, a pay-per-view movie, take them shopping for a pair of shoes, buy them a pack of blank CDRs or DVDs for their computer... With the exception of shoes, we're talking about rewards that cost less than $20 but will still put a smile on your teenagers face.
So in summary, try creative discipline, creative rewards, and NEVER let them know they are getting to you, because they need to see your reaction to their negative behavior in order to keep pushing your buttons.
Remember, its in a child's nature to test, and push limits. It's up to a parents nature to reinforce boundaries and limit them.
Your kids are acting out exactly very normally, it's their job (so-to-speak), keep doing yours, because they still need a parent to help guide them.
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