Feeling Miserable and Burnt Out!

Another day has passed and no word from my mother.

Spoke with her sister and she is awe over how my mom could do this to me.

I wrote a letter, rewrote and again over and over, not sure what to say without offending her. There is absolutely NO way to write anything that she would not take as an insult.

The only words I can say that she would accept is "I am sorry mom". I really do not feel that I did anything wrong here, therefore not feeling the need to use those words.


How long will this go on for? She is 78 years old this year and who knows how much longer she has on this earth with all her ailments. Could this be it? Not being able to talk to her and see her again.

Stubbornness runs in my family and it could end up bad if I do not swallow my price and apologize for trying to protect her.

But yet, I can not seem to bring myself to do this, why? Because my entire life I have been saying sorry for everything whether it was my fault or not. I guess one can say that I am tired of it all.

I moved 5000kms away so I would not have to deal with this nonsense and here I am, still getting sucked into the middle of things.

My older sister just says "I don't want to hear about it, it is between you and mom, do not drag me into it". So without being there to deal with her on a one to one basis, she can ignore my calls, throw my letters out or whatever she wants.

I told my husband tonight that she was talking about coming out to visit this summer but I am thinking I do not want her here now. If this is how easily she can ignore me, why would I want her here?

And her comparing my two boys to my brother, I can not get over that so easily. My kids have NEVER been in jail, stolen, not hooked on drugs (Sure they experimented like the rest of us), or have run ins with the law like my brother. It truly offends me that she compares them to him. She always says things like "Well look at *** he is not doing well, he is having problems, would you abandon him?"

My son has financial problems just like the rest of us do.But he has his family and is making ends meet. He is not selling drugs or stealing to make a living like my brother does. He actually works, it just happens to be seasonal and he has about 2 months with no income. And he never comes to me and complains or asks for anything, he likes to deal with his problems privately.

Man, I am getting upset just writing this. NO WAY am I apologizing.. It is her that needs to say sorry to ME.

She is the one who hung up on me 3x. It was her accusing me of coaching my nephew as to what to say to her when he called her. It is her that is taking the lying rat bastards word over mine.

So bring it on.. Say your sorry and lets move on.

The clock is ticking!