Men

Ok, so why do men have such a wondering eye?

My husband had this, but not only did he have a wondering eye, he started falling for his best friends wife. How much worse could it get?

You see, his friend from his teenage years kind of got lost in the game of life. My husband found his friend years later and started visiting him and he visiting us. He is married with 3 kids and his wife and I became friends. At least until she came out for as visit.


So what happened, was that they were planning on moving to our province and his wife came out to check things out.

Not only did she check out the area and job opportunities, but she checked out my husband.. to the point of while I was sleeping, she asked my husband if he would be interested in an affair.

Being a man, of course he was intrigued by this request. Although he never went through with the physical aspect of an affair, it was then that started the two of them talking about what life would be like if they hooked up.

She went home, we called them to see what their decision was about moving. Little did I know that it was more than that.

Her husband came out to house hunt and help us with our busisnesses. We assisted him in finding a home for his family and I was going out of my way to help paint and purchase things for his kids rooms so they would have their own rooms when they got here.

All the while he was staying with us, we were calling his wife on a daily basis.. Sometimes up to 5x a day.

On one night in particular, her husband was sleeping in the spare room, it was 2am and I could hear my husbands voice. So I got up.. he was on the deck talking to her. I asked why he was still up and he said they were talking about her husband. I asked why the code speak, I was told it was in case he had gotten up and they did not want him to know what they were talking about.

So of course, being curious and not trusting them at this point, I stood near the window and tried to listen. But with all the code, it was very hard to decipher. So I started getting angry, why is my husband more interested in talking to her then coming to bed with me?

Out of anger I went to the basement and started falling asleep on the couch. About an hour later the light comes on and my husband is asking "what are you doing down here, come to bed, don't be silly"

So I do but I could feel that something was very wrong and could not put my finger on it.

After days of running around and talking to her. I said to her husband and mine, "look, we are calling her at all hours, she has kids she has to be up with, no more calls to her after 1am ok"

Her husband agreed and so did mine.

That night her and I were in chat and I said "is it ok to call you?" She said yes so I did. The men came home and my husband asked who I was talking to. I told him and she asked to speak with her husband.. and he did. Well that set my husband off the wall. "Why can you talk to her and he can talk to her but I can't?"

He was totally freaking out..

At this point I told her to talk to him so that he would calm down, in the meantime I told her husband "listen,, something is very wrong with this picture, why is he freaking out about not being able to talk to her?"

My husband would call her at 1am and be on the phone with her until 4-5am. The calls became more and more.. He would go to work and instead of calling me, he was taking breaks and calling her on each one.

Until one night, after talking to her, he said "I want a divorce, there is someone else"

It was her, he had fallen "in love" as he claimed. Their plan was to move her out with her husband. Mine would divorce me, she would shack up with her husband for a couple months then leave him and shack up with mine.

At this point I decided to fight for my man. We went out for the day, and he decided he needed to come clean with his best friend that he has fallen in love with his wife. So we proceeded to his home and once there, he told him that he needed to tell him something but wanted him to get his wife on speaker phone so there was no confusion.

While his friend and I sat there, my husband was talking to her saying they need to come clean, He told her that I knew everything and that it was time her husband find out. You can only imagine how hard this was for us. It came out, but she tried denying it all and saying that it was all in my husbands head, that there was nothing there.. BUT she did say that "who knows what would have happened when I got there"

So the following day, my husband is in a panic.. He wants to know why she would not confess all to her husband and come clean. He sent her an email asking her to call him and also left a voice mail.

We went to my doctors appointment. He was constantly checking his email on his PDA. After my appointment, when he had not heard back from her, he pulled the car over to the side of the road and said "I have to call her ok". I sat there like an idiot while he spoke with her. Listening to his emotion coming out about her.

It took every ounce of restraint not to open the car door and walk away. But no, I stayed.. I loved him..

He then said, "I can not believe you stood beside me through this, I now know how much you love me, cause the old you would have turned tail and ran away but you didn't this time"

He claimed that he wanted to work on our marriage.. And I wanted the same, I place his name on my back with a tattoo and he carved my initial in his arm. ( i know, stupid)

We were working on saving our marriage, and in the first 2-3 weeks it was awesome, like we have rediscovered each other all over again.

Now it is 2 months and things are right back to the way they were before she came into our lives.

I go to bed, he stays up all night "claiming" he is working, but since there is a level of mistrust here now, I check on what he has been up to. Check his emails and his msn and his facebook and so on.

We sit on the couch and watch TV or a movie in the evening and thats about it. No intimacy again, no sleeping together again. I have found him sleeping on the couch twice this week. He comes to bed at 5am and it wakes me up. I work in a kitchen and I need sleep, but when he is not in bed I find myself waking up all the time to see if he is next to me.

I am not able to sleep without sleepaids, I still get up throughout the night checking to see if he is in bed with me. When he comes to bed in the morning or I find him up at his computer, I get annoyed, wondering and thinking things.

When we are together, I am always trying to cuddle with him but he normally leaves his arm on the back of the couch, once in a while he will put his arm over me, but I do not feel like he is doing it cause he wants to, but because he feels he has to.

Is this something we can get past? I wonder, why is he with me? Why am I with him? Is this right.. I have pushed my kids away over all this because I do not want them involved.. They are from my ex husband.

I am 8 years older then him and he is constantly throwing in my face that our age difference is working against us. He constantly says I am like my mother and sister, I am no fun and just want to work and worry about bills and stuff.. He wants to have fun.. live.. party and drink.

I want the same thing but we have alienated all our friends because of our crap.. And he is trying to bring new people into our lives for fun.. But in all honesty.. the people he is trying to befriend, well they are kind of low lives and not who I would normally associate with. I have been trying but it has been difficult for me.

So, what do I do.. I get up in the morning, check my business email. Watch a little TV, shower and go to work. I come home.. clean a little, do more work on our other business, go back to the kitchen again.. I come home and we just sit whether it be in the office on our computers or on the couch.. but there is no emotion on his part.. I want to be held, hugged, kissed.. something that will show me that he loves me.. But I get nothing!

What would you do in my situation? He says it is all me.. but I say it takes two.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I am drowning in emotion.. btw.. I am going through menopause right now too.. so I am sure this is not helping.. I know I can get pretty moody at times and my emotions run wild.

Tell me, what do you think? What would you do? How would you handle this?